No use crying over spilled Pandas

Why You Shouldn’t Cry When Pandas Go Extinct

Don’t get me wrong, pandas are cute. Like seriously, they are so cute, but they might not deserve all the love and attention that we give them. (Almost) Anything that is alive can do two basic things, survive and reproduce. Our cute panda friends, on the other hand, fall short in both categories, and would most likely be extinct if it weren’t for our meddling in their lives.

First, let’s take a look at the survival instincts of pandas. What does it take to survive? I would say that you need to eat and sleep among other things. Our panda friends spend most of their time eating and sleeping, which may make it seem like their doing pretty good in the survival department, but don’t be deceived. A panda’s diet consists almost completely of bamboo. So, what’s the problem? Well, bamboo has little to no nutritional value to pandas since they are technically omnivores and they cannot digest the bamboo fully. Because of this, they have to eat 20-40 pounds of bamboo every day in order to stay alive. This also means that pandas cannot hibernate, or they will die, because they cannot store the nutrients needed to do so on their current bamboo diet.  

Now that we’ve established that Pandas aren’t great at keeping themselves alive, let’s talk about their reproductive abilities. If you can’t keep yourself alive, then you should at least be able to produce viable offspring in order to keep your species alive. Pandas, unfortunately, didn’t pick up on this biological function. A female panda ovulates once a year. Yes, you heard that right, once a year. That means that she is fertile for only a few days out of the year. So, assuming that there is a male panda close by during this astronomically short time that is also fertile then a baby panda could happen, assuming that he manages to impregnate her and the pregnancy goes to term. In other words, the chances of a baby panda being born (without help from humans) is like winning the biological lottery.

If you’re still confused about why we should let pandas die, here’s a flowchart to help you:

 Let’s face it. The only thing pandas have going for them is their looks. Sorry pandas and panda lovers, but I say we devote our time and resources elsewhere.